So you've finally moved on from your narcissist and no longer have to How to communicate with a narcissist ex the day-to-day abuse, passive-aggressive manipulation, or attempts to make you look or feel like the bad guy.
Most of us know from experience that just because someone is your ex doesn't mean their bad behavior is entirely in the past for you. There will likely be times that you need to communicate with How to communicate with a narcissist ex ex—especially while you're still figuring out the logistics of the split, and even more so if you must co-parent.
And most likely, communication issues were a big part of the reason your relationship didn't work anyway. Narcissists are known for playing games and being childish in communication—ignoring you, manipulating you, just generally making things difficult—and probably making you want to pull your hair out.
The moment you realize you're going to have to ask your ex to take your child to their soccer game when it's technically your day, you begin trying to think of any possible alternative to having to interact with him or her.
This is a good instinct.
You're wisely wary of the Narcissistic Vortex. Behavior like this is always an attempt by the narcissist to suck you back into their reality—the one in which they are always the victim or martyr and you are the aggressor or villain. They need to remind themselves and others that they are still truly special. But because your relationship with the narcissist has ended, they know you no longer accept the version of reality that they want you to believe. For that, they resent you greatly.
They will try to draw you back into this reality, and, when you refuse to be complicit in their fiction, they'll punish you for rejecting them. While it's not ideal, it is possible. The trick is to stay outside the pull of the How to communicate with a narcissist ex. Here's how to do it:.
While you may have to discuss logistics about joint assets or your children, you don't have to engage How to communicate with a narcissist ex any tangents or respond to any comments that aren't productive. Should they insult you or make some dig at you, resist the urge to defend yourself, insult them back, or employ threats. Stick to the goal at hand. Repeat the question and wait for an answer.
If this behavior continues, walk away, hang up, or do not reply if it's via text or email. Narcissists have very little self-control.
They are incapable of sending an email or text without passive-aggressively knocking your ability to function as an adult. The true secret to communicating is, ironically, minimal communication.
Reply with yes or no answers and exclusively factual replies. For example, "Yes, I am picking the kids up at 5 p. You probably spent years desperate for a crumb of affection—anything to affirm that you're not crazy and that this person does, in fact, love you. Now that you've moved on, they may send you "love bombs," which are unexpected and unsolicited communications saying things along the lines of, "Whatever happened to us? These often come out of the blue, when you least expect them.
Do not fall for these tricks. A narcissist will never, ever change. They have not experienced a divine intervention. Always remember, "do not engage. Narcissists hate people with boundaries. They take and take from people who give and give.
They've probably made you feel guilty for trying to make healthy boundaries in the past. That's because if you stop giving, they will have nothing to take. They'll do anything to keep taking advantage of you. If you give them an inch, they'll take a mile. This means no doing them favors—even if it benefits your child. They may ask for more time How to communicate with a narcissist ex your child than the
How to communicate with a narcissist ex arrangement allows, and try to convince you that it's in the child's best interest.
They may ask you to take the kids on a weekend you weren't expecting, which would mean canceling your plans. But you love your kids, so why wouldn't you cancel your other plans to see them? No matter the argument at hand, a narcissist's motives are always self-preservation and advancement. No matter the form of communication with your ex, ask yourself, "Does this message require a reply? You will never change them.
The only way to move forward in a more healthy way is to accept this. Then you are liberated from the exhaustion that comes of being dragged on an endless emotional roller coaster by someone who has no interest in your well-being.
In order to be your best self in your relationships—whether it's with a friend, family member, or partner—you need to FEEL your best, inside and out.
Ready to learn more about how to become your most vibrant self? Group 8 Created with Sketch. Group 7 Created with Sketch. Email Created with Sketch. Group 9 Created with Sketch. Group 10 Created with Sketch. Group 11 Created with Sketch. Group 4 Created with Sketch. So, is it possible to communicate effectively with someone who feels constantly threatened by you? Here's how to do it: Give only yes or no answers. Ignore their "love bombs.
Set clear boundaries and enforce them. Always ask yourself if a communication needs a reply before you consider giving one. Lindsey Ellison is a relationship coach and founder How to communicate with a narcissist ex Start Over.
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Email Address Sign up Error message. You are now subscribed Be on the lookout for a welcome email in your inbox! Popular experts Frank Lipman, M. Popular categories Health Food Beauty. Find out why it is so difficult to communicate with narcissists. but the main one is that when you are How to communicate with a narcissist ex to talk to a narcissist, you are trying to reason.
My ex to the T. Unfortunely, I was not educated on what a narc's was. Whether you have been discarded by the narcissist or if you have left them on your own terms, why would you want to start conversation with them? An ex is an. Communication with a narcissist is best described as "crazy making" a narcissist who was set on winning and hurting me at all costs, my ex.