Ami Shroyer: How to Cope with Grief and Loss
It is really hard to experience losing someone we love, and as mortal beings, we undergo the process of grieving when we lose someone. According to Elisabeth K?bler-Ross, there are five stages of death and dying for those in grief which include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. A person grieving may report more stages, while others may not experience all stages mentioned here, it is because grief is subjective and nature, and it is a unique experience. Denial helps an individual to survive the tragic event of losing someone, and this stage involves a feeling of emptiness, overwhelming, and meaningless feeling. This is the stage when a person feels numb, and not seeing how he can move on with life. As you become stronger, the denial stage will start to fade.
It is acceptable to feel anger after the denial stage, and this is a normal element of the grief’s healing process. Anger results to crying, shouting, and physically harming yourself and others, and this is a normal stage of the healing process, but you must be careful hurting yourself and other people with your seemingly limitless anger. The anger stage may also involve blaming other people, yourself, and even God for losing your loved one, and this is a normal feeling of a person who is in grief. You feel abandoned and deserted. Anger can give you a temporary structure to the denial stage’s nothingness, giving you an anchor, and a bridge to the open sea, and this is evidenced when you start blaming and getting angry to other people. The anger stage shows how intensity your love is to your loved one. The bargaining stage involves willingness to give up something just for a loved one’s life to be restored, and this is most especially true for those who are dying. There are many “what if” statements in the bargaining stage and this stage may last for weeks or months, and the person may blame himself for his loved one’s death. It is normal to feel guilty, remembering the past and thinking you should have shown more love and care to your loved one.
After the anger and bargaining, you enter the depressive stage, wherein reality is in front of your face and you cannot do anything but be sad and cry for your loss. While there are people who get too depressed, this is not a sign of mental illness, it is a normal response to a great loss. Once depression is over, you enter the acceptance stage and starting to do daily activities and socialize with other people again.